An Open Letter To Uncle Bob

To: Bob Dylan
From: All of us

Bob,

OK. We get it. You're screwing with us. You hawk panties because it makes purists crumble, you scramble your songs live just to do it and you occasionally rock a goat beard because you're Bob Dylan, and no one can say a thing, because you'll kick them.

But please, put a stop to "The Times They Are A-Changin'." Now.

If you haven't already -- and we don't know how often you drift around the Internets -- we beg you to endure this motorcycle wreck of a performance from "The View." The singer is one of the Culkin brothers, or possibly Sam Gamgee. The guitar was salvaged from a glitter factory that blew up in Secaucus. But the song is yours. And it needs your help.

I know I'm being harsh. I know I am criticizing what I can't understand. But we need you to step in, Bob. This sort of thing is OK when you do it with Billy Joel music -- hell, it's practically natural there -- but this is ... AAUGH! Good God, I just got to the "Come on, boys!" part. What the HELL is going on here?

So we're sorry. Sorry about whatever it is that made you angry and embittered enough to let this pass. Please, Bob. Use your powers. Gather 'round, wherever you roam, and start cracking skulls.

Love,
Jaded Insider