Worst Dressed? Pop Singers.
It's at this drag-ass time of year, when all of the nog has gone bad in the back of the fridge, that Mr. Blackwell trots out his annual worst dressed list. J.I. could not help sneaking a peek. Yeah, Mr. Blackwell, you got us.
Lo and behold, the five women at the top of the list of this 48th(!) installment are from the music world (J.I. is counting Mary-Kate Olsen, who made tons of kiddie records with her twin back in the day...er... a few years ago). What? No A-list actresses in the upper-echelon of sartorial suck? No newly minted royals? Nope, this year the singers have it. When was the last time that happened?
5. Kelly Clarkson
At number five is Kelly Clarkson, whose tour-downsizing 2007 was already not-so-hot without Blackwell capping the annum by using the words "bombs" and "hellish" to describe her style.
The Black Eyed Peas chanteuse was on the charts in 2007 being both "Glamorous" and "Fergilicious" but that didn't save her from landing at number four, with Blackwell calling her ensembles "couture chaos."
3. Mary-Kate Olsen
Okay, okay, she's far better known as an actress and for slouching around New York and L.A. being seen, but the little girls used to looourve them some Olsen twins records. But 21-year-old Mary-Kate is all growed up now, so Blackwell didn't go easy on her, calling her look "cut-rate kitsch" and saying she looked like a "toothpick trapped in a hurricane!" (Exclamation point his.)
2. Amy Winehouse
Yeah, this one was almost too obvious. Mr. Blackwell, don't you get it? The beehive is messy on purpose. She's not auditioning for Hairspray, you know. Her breakthrough hit is called "Rehab." Nevertheless, octogenarian Mr. Blackwell -- who remembers the Eisenhower era, no doubt -- doesn't resist labeling her a "car-hop horror." Ok buddy, but she does have more Grammy nominations than you, so there's that.
1. Victoria Beckham
Becks is a Spice Girl, remember? And they were known for singing and dancing, remember? The group even reunited last year. Mr. Blackwell, who graciously included the Girls on his 1998 list ("the only spices with no taste"), puts Victoria at the head of his list this year for "one skinny-mini monstrosity after another." Really, Victoria Beckham beat out everyone else? Everyone?
And so, because your heart is black, you are wondering where worst dressed alumna Britney Spears placed on this year's tally. Blackwell didn't put her on the list at all, essentially out of respect for what a hell-year she's had. Whoa! What does it mean when even an arbiter of bad taste feels its "inappropriate" to dis her duds "when her personal life is in such upheaval" and instead offers her hopes for a better new year?
We’ve been quiet but we just can’t take it anymore. What the !@#$ is up with that TIP machine gun + silencer shenanigans down there in ATL? At first, in a knee jerk reaction, we blamed “the man” because we are of course...jaded. But then we thought about it, machine guns? If this means we can’t get another “What You Know,” we’re VERY salty. Salty like 50 Cent when a journo asks him about the current hip hop market place or “ay bay bay.” Like that.
Now, young Tipper is going to be locked up until Friday, at least. Atlantic hasn’t had any comment all day. Grand Hustle’s been quiet as they should be, but what is this going to do to his marketing plans? TIP’s had several Hollywood screen dreams in the works, not to mention the biggest urban flick outside of Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married?” (we told ya’ll to support it, No. 1 at the box office, we see you Tyler, Jilly and Janet.) He and his Grand Hustle camp had planned to be the next New Line + Ice Cube duo, but while Phil Spector can get away with all this, J.I.’s not so sure TIP is as teflon. And what’s up with all these body guards snitching? First Britney’s and now this... Good help must be really hard to find these days.
Lupe Fiasco Dis Week
Meanwhile in the blogosphere, Lupe Fiasco seems dead set on pissing off any backpacker fans he had left by declaring he toted guns in his childhood instead of Tribe Called Quest albums. If you missed Fiasco's shenanigans this week, here's the short list:
• Lupe performs on Monday night’s VH1 Hip-Hop Honors tribute to A Tribe Called Quest, flubs a line.
• Devoted ATCQ fans berate and curse him out in the blogosphere for his crime.
• Lupe curses them back telling them to get off their “high horses and sacred cows,” proclaiming he was more Spice 1 than Kamaal the Abstract and that he only did the show because Q-Tip asked.
• Little Brother MC Phonte tells Lupe he’s dead wrong via Okayplayer.com.
• Q-Tip classily dismisses the statements, saying he never begged Lupe to do anything.
Lupe peddles back (a lil bit...) says on Hot 97 that his statements on Vibe.com this week were taken out of context, tells DJ Kay Slay that he’s suing VIBE magazine who he says spliced an interview--done a month ago—to fit into this ATCQ/VH1 Hip-Hop Honors debacle.
So now...J.I. is a bit torn. We love Lupe but are confused as to why he’s beefing with the imaginary adversary that is rap blog fans. They’re relentless and will never (well, hardly ever to be fair) give you a pass. So why argue? Just say you messed up the line because you didn’t read up on the lyrics before. J.I. saw Keyshia’s “Remember the Time” performance (she didn’t remember her lines either) but you don’t see her beefing in the streets. Your album is called “The Cool.” We’re just saying...