Idol Chatter: New York, We Love You, But You're Bringing Us Down

Jaded Insider was hoping to make it through the season without mention of our most despised "Idol" contestant of all time (or at the very least, we were hoping to make it until the finale when it's only natural for former contestants to pop up and remind America that yes, they are in fact still alive, and yes, they have yet to hit it big), but we only made it to week two before the repulsive mug of Constantine Morouiouslouous crept back onto our screen.

The "Bohemian Rhapsody"-butchering Greek just happens to be a New York native, the location of last night's auditions. There was also a contestant from Greece by way of New Jersey, hence the connection. Ick.

Day one started out with Ian Benardo, as his shirt so proudly displayed, who was an eliminated contestant on "So You Think You Can Dance," and who, as we quickly discovered, can neither dance nor sing, contrary to what his two therapists might think. He defamed Hollywood as he stormed out of the audition room, stating that Tinsel Town is just "New Jersey with celebrities." We were left wondering how his pet chinchilla thing died.

Next was Sarah from Ohio, who lied to her unsupportive parents about traveling to the city. She sang Blondie's "Call Me," did an OK job but made it to Hollywood anyway, then called her dad to break the news only to have him ask, "Who is this?"

We're excited about the plot line to develop between Antonella and Amanda, the inseparable Paris and Nicole-like duo with less money and more talent. Simon's advice to Antonella, who sang better than her friend, was "When someone's down on the floor, kick them." This could be good, especially because we know they'll be wearing stilettos.

Day two in the Big Apple produced an even wackier batch of characters. Sadly, Simon missed the first half of the day due to a "singing hangover" (however we were later informed that the judges supposedly stayed out drinking til 3 a.m. Tisk, tisk). About 36 people sang Selena's "Dreaming of You," which was weird enough in and of itself, and there seemed to be an alarming number of folks sporting cowboy hats.

One of the Selena wannabes was Sarah Goldberg. That girl had some serious issues. She openly admitted she was tone deaf and not in the competition to sing, yet was damn certain they could transform her into the next "American Idol." We still can't tell if she was joking or what exactly her deal was, but in any case, she was really really strange.

Sarah didn't quite scare us as much as the "American Idol soldier" from Queens who lost 20 pounds and gained 800 plastic bracelets in order to look good for her performance. Why in the world did she make it to Hollywood? No, really, someone please explain this to us.

The 18-year-old brace-faced opera student from Manhattan was a bit perplexing, as well. She genre-hopped three times throughout her audition, but her whiskey-soaked vocals on Jeff Buckley's "Eternal Life" were spot-on.

As promised, the show concluded with Julie/Isadora getting off on stage to "Lady Marmalade." We'll let that one to your imagination. Next week: Two Cousin Its raid Birmingham! Beware!