Idol Chatter: Really, How Many Times Can We Tolerate The Phrase 'Sweet Home Alabama'

Seriously, we're sure it's "sweet." And because Ruben, Bo and Taylor all hailed from Alabama, you can run that flag up and down that little pole as often as you like.

But, AI, if you're you're going to tout the talent pool of Birmingham, Ala., would you mind showing us more of it? Apparently 20 contestants for "American Idol" were selected over the two days, but we only saw, what, four of them?

One Hollywooder was clearly going to be Jamie Lynn Ward, whose made-for-TV backstory seems so completely unreal, we don't know if we believe it or handle the truth: she lives with her grandmother because her father shot the poor girl's stepmother after catching her "in the act" of cheating on him, then shot himself, leaving him paralyzed from the neck down. She put a little too much into the flourishes of her song, but otherwise, we might not ever be able to bring ourselves to disliker her lest we be sent directly to hell.

Another sent on the next round was Bernard. He sang "Rock With Me." We would like to rock with him. Katie, who would not live down the annoyingness of her own voice, made it on to the next round because Paula wanted to annoy Simon. She also clearly wanted to annoy us.

Since these audition rounds are meant to appeal to viewers who enjoy a particular brand of schadenfreude, we'll indulge in what it is we're supposed to be indulging: commenting on the stupid crap people wear. Our eyes glaze over at the multitude of girls in cotton+sequined tops and boys with shirts buttoned down to <here>. Wow, that Mormon chick sure did have some long hair. The chicken lady (see above) and She Of The Single Glove depressed us more than anything else. We get it, AI, fat people are funny.

Oh, but you know who else is funny? Chris. We'd like to go out for a drink with him, maybe play some skee ball or something. The dude was dry, down to earth and just gave us a Team Taylor-like feeling all over again. We hope his song selection at least improves ("Kissed By a Rose?" More like "Bored By a Song," knawwhatI'msayin'?) because his attitude is top notch, even though he kind of reminds us of Hurley from "Lost."