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Fashion Rocks, Tips Over And Falls Asleep

Aerosmith_02lJaded Insider got dressed up and headed to Radio City Music Hall for the Fashion Rocks taping last night (Sept. 6). Fashion Rocks is an award show without any awards, featuring many pop acts "celebrating fashion," in some nebulous way. After shelling out $12 for a drink and watching stick-thin fashion publicists mingle around, J.I. quickly realized that it would not be a night for celebrity run-ins. The rich and famous were sequestered in an impenetrable fortress of a VIP area, and we had to make do chatting with a young lady who won her tickets from the New York Post.

The evening started with the chairman of Conde Nast and the show's producer talking to the crowd about, well, nothing for a few moments each. Jeremy Piven entered, looking quite delicious; unfortunately, he quickly exited after introducing Aerosmith. The band phoned in performances of "Walk This Way," which featured Fergie, and "Dude Looks Like a Lady."

Piven came back out and did a funny bit about being a trendsetter, showing off pictures of his most awkward fashion moments. Fergie came back out for "Glamorous," looking shockingly pretty and understated. While the suckers at home had to watch commercials, the audience was treated to the stylings of a terribly unfunny comedian.

Jessica Alba, looking gaunt and flat, came out to introduce Martina McBride. She drove onstage in some Chevy car and sang two hits. Good for her.

More unfunny comic. For, like, 10 minutes.

Dennis Leary introduced Avril Lavigne. "Girlfriend" is catchy, even if she did bite all the hooks from other songs.

Comic again. J.I. took this opportunity to check email and send a number of text messages.

LL Cool J and a terrifying-looking Tyra Banks introduced Mary J. Blige and Usher. Usher does James Brown's "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's, Man's World." He is a terrific dancer. Mary J. Blige does "Respect," then they do a duet.

Oh God, more comic. J.I. wanted to die at this point.

Teri Hatcher and 50 Cent bombed their introduction of Jennifer Lopez, who proceeded to blow the crowd away. J. Lo isn't much of a singer or actress, but she is one hell of a performer. When she finished and unfunny comic started to walk towards the stage, it was time to bail.

September 7, 2007 | Permalink

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