Jaded Insider Live Blogs The 2007 MTV VMAs

11:04: Timbaland, Nelly Furtado and Timberlake close out the show. The J.I. would really like those two hours of life back. Special thanks to the good folks at Jack Daniels for making this a tiny bit less horrible.

10:58: Video of the Year is ... Rihanna's "Umbrella." She's cute and the song is catchy, so J.I. is not too pissed.

10:56: Mary J. Blige gets choked up introducing ... Dr. Dre: "Please stand to your feet for him." Dre is wearing a thermal and jeans, and looked like he just came from watching his kids' soccer game.

10:49: The idiot girl from Miss Teen America talks like a robot and cashes in on her 15 minutes of fame.

10:47: The best new artist is ... Gym Class Fallout. Jennifer Garner is awesome for saying that. The band just screams and does shots.

10:45: Jennifer Garner would much rather be at home with Ben Affleck watching a Red Sox game right now. Also, Jamie Fox is a little bit wasted and rambling.

10:44: The Gym Class Heroes singer has really stupid piercings.

10:43: What the world needs now is a reality show about a spoiled kid who skateboards like I need a hole in my head.

10:40: "Girls start to get crazy when you have sex with them." Remember when "The Real World" did the Pedro has AIDS/social responsibility thing?

10:36: Alicia's George Michael cover is totally out of left field, but kind of awesome.

10:33: Alicia Keys is wearing gold boots and super-tight black pants that aren't doing her hips any favors. Her usually strong voice sounds pretty bad tonight.

10:25: Serj Tankian and the Foos do the Dead Kennedys' "Holiday in Cambodia." They get 30 seconds of screen time. Lame.

10:23: Adrian Grenier looks like he just rolled out of a brunch joint in Fort Greene. He gives Fall Out Boy the award for Best Group. Pete Wentz wears a lizard mask on the back of his head.

10:21: The Jaded Insider needs perspective, and finds it in a New York Times article entitled "Drugs Banned, World’s Poor Suffer in Pain."

10:20: Linkin Park are overshadowed by their laser light show. The lead singer wears sunglasses that make him look like he belongs in Rammstein (the band, not the terrorist target military base).

10:18: The chick from "Transformers" got lost on the way to the AVN Awards.

10:17: Fall Out Boy plus rappers equals total mess. This sounds freaking horrible. Pete Wentz is scatting.

10:11: Kanye plays another song in the club at the Palms. He's not bad but the lighting is super janky.

10:09: Pamela Anderson tells a disgusting story about making out with Kanye West in a desert. J.I.'s opinion of Kanye just tanked.

10:07: Shia LeBouf gives away the name of the new Indiana Jones movie ("Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"). Then, weirdly, Fergie wins best female performance, but is not there, and Ludacris is supposed to accept for her, but does not. Shia finally takes the award and walks off. Train. Wreck.

10:05: Justin and Fiddy are performing "Ayo Technology" together. The camera operators are on crack. Someone on another blog just pointed that it is only 8 p.m. in Vegas and yet it looks like it is dark outside all the hotel rooms. Hmmm...

9:58: Justin Timberlake wins "Male Artist of the Year." The JI is pretty sure he's rolling his brains out. He loves on Chris Brown, who has been the best thing about this show so far.

9:51: Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti did a family movie about Santa. The J.I. is guessing there were all sorts of blizzards happening at the North Pole.

9:50: What the hell is a "scripted drama?"

9:48: More Chris Brown. The crowd goes nuts. The J.I. is a little less jaded.

9:46: Rhianna comes out doing "Umbrella" and dances with Chris. She's wearing a stupid bodysuit but is otherwise solid. Could this be turning around?

9:44: Chris Brown and his dancers breakdance on tables. He sounds and looks great, though -- this is totally one of the highlights of the evening.

9:38: "The Real World" is pretty much nothing more than softcore porn at this point.

9:34: Beyonce and Shakira win in a triumph for sexy ladies who know how to shake their booties everywhere.

9:33: Kanye and Fiddy come out to present the "Earth-Shattering Collaboration" award and stare at each other. Man, if they'd starting making out, that would have been awesome.

9:31: Foo Fighters are rocking out. MTV cameras mostly focus on their smoking hot female cellist.

9:28: Jason is back on "The Hills!" He's totally the new Mr. Big.

9:24: Justin Timberlake wins, jumps around like a loon, and tells MTV to play more videos. We then cut to Fall Out Boy playing in another hotel room. The JI's significant other has bailed and is hiding in the other room, probably considering finding a new person to date.

9:23: Robin Thicke hits on Jennifer Hudson and they present the "Quadruple Threat of the Year" award.

9:21: The kids from "Superbad" present the list of nominees for Best New Artist while sitting behind a table. They've pretty much stopped trying.

9:14: Kanye is playing at the club in the Palms. Everyone has the striped glasses on.

9:12: The Monster Single of the Year is..."Umbrella." Rihanna is wearing a prom dress from 1986. She thanks all her fans and the label and the network. Boring.

9:11: Pete Wentz has technical difficulties with his mic. He is surrounded by strippers and someone in a giant rabbit suit.

9:09: Mark Ronson is the house DJ. That's what being related to Lindsay Lohan's friend/drug dealer gets you.

9:07: Sarah Silverman makes a joke about mistaking Cee-Lo for Kanye West. Did Kanye get fat?

9:05: Sarah Silverman makes a bunch of Britney jokes to muted laughter. And by muted, I mean "none."

9:04: "Ladies and gentlemen"...the definition of "anti-climactic."

9:01: Britney is phoning it in. She looks distracted and her song sounds pretty awful, but she's hitting all her cues and didn't fall on her face, so I guess that's a victory of sorts.