OMG ... The VMA Pre-Show Live Blog

Jaded Insider has been dispatched to liveblog tonight's MTV Video Music Awards. Oh goody.

8:56: We are four minutes away from BRITNEY! The Foo Fighters are going to do a Dead Kennedys song later tonight with Serj Tankian. Their drummer has teleported to the show from 1992. Which, coincidentally, was the last time the JI enjoyed the VMAs.

8:52: MTV has kidnapped a guy from the BBC and made him interview rock stars.

8:51: Panic! At the Disco took off their stupid outfits and started dressing like Wilco.

8:50: Dolce and Gabbana slaughtered a leopard and Paris Hilton is wearing it. She did, however, manage to correctly pronounce "philanthropy."

8:46: None of these interviews last for more than 60 seconds. This is the ADD VMAs.

8:44: Kanye freely admits that the battle with 50 Cent is all about hype. Where have all the good rap beefs gone?

8:41: The guys in Gym Class Heroes are some seriously ugly mofos. Where are the cute rockstars for teenage girls to crush on these days?

8:33: "Her name is Nicole"...and she's available for privates in the champagne room for $50. She'll do whatever you like.

8:30: 50 Cent does some gramatically incorrect cheerleading for Britney. Did you hear she was playing tonight?

8:25: The JI's significant other is getting drunk on the couch. Boys Like Girls are interviewed, and JI's mate SO sums it up by saying "look at those losers -- total poseurs."

8:22: Mary J. Blige is asked about 50 versus Kanye and gives a fantastically diplomatic answer. We should send her around the world to broker peace deals.

8:17: "The Hills" girls tell viewers that there will be some making up on the new season, leading the JI to fantasize about just how many ways Spencer can be sent off in to the sunset.

8:14: John Norris interviews Alicia Keys and he looks exactly like the dude from My Chemical Romance.