Idol Chatter: Children Of The Corn

Welcome to Nebraska, folks, where apparently the people are as boring and devoid of personality as one would expect from that flat, corn-friendly state in the middle of the country.

Yeah, yeah, we were prepared for a poor representation of fellow Cornhuskers as the “American Idol” crew rolled into Omaha's Quest Center, but we were thinking more along the lines of ineloquent hicks wearing overalls, 18-year-old Applebees waitresses with bad dye jobs or at least something that hinted at hidden Midwestern charm.

But last night’s “Idol” didn’t offer squat. No stereotypes to poke fun at (obligatory camera shots of corn fields aside), no emotionally charged backstories (uh, nice try, Angelica), and the token weirdo was just some faux-goth chick who looked as though she made a wrong turn on her way to buy a new tongue stud at Hot Topic.

And the "good" contestants that did make it through to Hollywood weren’t even all that exceptional: the arm wrestling girl was more intimidating than talented; the Daughtry-audition-studier needs to lay off the Fuel records; and we’re stumped as to how the guy from Iowa got Paula to yell “touchdown!”, although we speculate that might just have been a Super Bowl plug or was, more likely, prompted by something else.

While most of the episode moved along at a very Nebraska-ish John-Deere-tractor-chugging-down-a-gravel-road pace (hey, it's our home state, we can get away with the stereotyping), the rare highlights included the “I’m America’s Next Top Model!” fluke, Paula hiccupping and Seacrest’s go at judging. Somehow 19 hopefuls made it through to the next round, but it was certainly slim pickins as far as the talent is concerned.

So now we set our sight on Miami, where people wear big hats, Simon can brush up on his tan and Paula can drink as many mojitos as her heart desires.