Idol Chatter: If It's Wednesday, It Must Be Miami

Ah, we open to the sounds of Michael Mann's "Miami Vice," and I can only wish that show will turn into Simon and Randy wearing pastels, not shaving and jetting around in a cigarette boat while Paula is being taken hostage by narcotraffickers.

But no. Instead we get - not one, but two! - people who think that auditioning using Janis Joplin songs is a good idea. Folks, let me explain a little something to you - there are two competing Joplin biopics floating around Hollywood for a million years now. Why have they taken so long to get made?

Beyond the typical Hollywood reasons of financing, timing, and meddling studio executives - the powers that be figured out that it's going to take a long, long, long time for the actresses - purportedly Renee Zellweger in one and Zoey Deschanel in the other - to achieve Janisosity. These are skilled, highly-paid actresses who have to spend hours and hours and hours practicing to sound enough like Janis that post production will make them sound exactly like Janis.

So, in short, American Idol wannabees, don't come waltzing in after taking a slug of whiskey and start bellowing and think that you sound like Joplin. You don't. You can't. And Simon doesn't want to put someone who emulates Joplin on this show, anyway, and if you emulate Joplin, the last thing you should be doing is trying out for American Idol.

Sigh. OK, I'm doing twitching now.

The rest of the episode passed pretty much on par for an audition round: some freaks, some geeks, the person who Randy Newman wrote "Short People" for, zaftig ladies who love Randy and Simon. For those keeping track at home, it's Wednesday, February 13th when we end this nonsense and get to the final 24.

To that end, Idolator recently posted an amusing video that you can Zapruder all you want if you're seeking American Idol spoilers. It's a local TV news feed from Pasadena, and it shows an overview of the downtown area, including a smattering of American Idol folks walking around some buildings. It was allegedly filmed on the day when the final 24 were selected. Don't look if you don't want to know - because there are some very readily recognizable people from the audition rounds.